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Photo reblogged from look at these things
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Whenever I watch Coronation Street, I think, ‘how come no one watches TV ?’
Is it because they’re worried they’re gonna see one of their dead friends on The Bill ?Jimmy Carr, 8 Out of 10 Cats, 7.11 -
- Question: The worst thing about London ?
- Jason Manford: Is it buskers ? Those buskers, when you're like, "Oh, I don't need this iPod now, now you're playing all my favourite songs in the wrong key on a penny whistle."
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- David Mitchell, about Yakult: Bifidus Digestivum. Bifidus Actiregularis - that sounds like real science. And L. casei Imunitass - the only bacterium with an initial.
- Jimmy Carr: Didn't you study at Laboratoire Garnier ?
- David Mitchell: I'm one of their top scientitions.
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- Question: Worst thing to do at the office Christmas party ?
- Christopher Biggins: I've never worked at an office, but in pantomime [...] we have parties. And the worst thing to do at that office party, err, for a pantomime, would be to fuck a dwarf.
- Sean Lock: Mind you, you wouldn't have to look them in the face in the morning, would you ?
- Christopher Biggins: That's true.
- Jimmy Carr: Have you ever... ?
- Christopher Biggins: No.
- Jimmy Carr: Have you ?
- Christopher Biggins: No.
- Jimmy Carr: 'Cause one of them's grumpy, and there's gotta be a reason.
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- Christopher Biggins, to Sean Lock: Are you sure you're not gay, 'cause you said 'bauble' ?
- Sean Lock: You're desperate to recruit new members, aren't you ? "He said 'bauble'; you're gay !"
- Jimmy Carr: Of course they're recruiting; they can't make their own, can they ?
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If you’re watching, children, I don’t want to spoil Christmas for you, but not only is Santa made up, so’s Jesus.Jimmy Carr, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, 10.08
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I had a stalker once. Literally everywhere I went, there she was, twenty metres ahead. Eventually, I had to hide in a tree outside her house just to get away from her.Jimmy Carr, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, 10.04
